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Unsolicited touching

Question:

Unsolicited touching

Ok, your socializing sit down talking while most participants are sexually engaged and someone comes up behind you and starts massaging your neck, what do you do?
I realized that while in certain circles and types of gathers, depending on who the person is its OK. But this instance it was a new person, and totally unacceptable... having it occur with one person, and then another without a doubt its the first and last invite!

Answers:

RE: Unsolicited touching...
yeh strange person just coming up like that, i dont think id be ok with that, me and my hubby was just discussing that, i have to get to know them and there personality and well at least a lil info on past,????? wouldnt you???? lol lol lol

RE: Unsolicited touching...
I do at least talk to a person before having any intimate touching and playing. It is very RARE to just go and fuck someone without any established connection.

Sharon

RE: Unsolicited touching...
i agree sweetheart:bearloon:

RE: Unsolicited touching...
That's just wrong! I'm a touchy, feelly kind of person. I'd be one to give a neck rub. It's not TOO personal, and not a big come-on. But to do it to a stranger!?! I don't care where you are or what kinda group or party your at, that is WRONG! An invasion of personal space.
Turn around and say STOP IT! Loud enough so those being closest can hear. Put that person in their place and the spot light.

RE: Unsolicited touching...
At a party there is going to be some touching for sure that is part of flirting to most people. Many dont see anything wrong with it. So if you are uncomfortable you need to speak out and say something. I know when someone goes to their first house party it can be overwhelming and you may be afraid to speak out.It is up to you 100 percent to tell them to stop or tell someone else to make then stop. You know who not to invite now to a party, if they do it once they wont stop they will just keep doing it.
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
If this was to happen to me, I'd turn toward that person & politely say,"Thanks, but No Thanks." And if he/she did it again.....well, let's just say it wouldn't be pretty!!! lol lol
Now if I was interested, but not at that time, I'd give a :wink: and say, "Maybe later?" And I ain't scared to say something! lmao xoxo Shirley

RE: Unsolicited touching...
I see nothing wrong with a neck massage, it isn't grabbing my azz or my "twins" and would not bother me. But for those whom it would bother, certainly speak up!

Smooches,
Gin

RE: Unsolicited touching...
HOLY SHIT IM IN TROUBLE ILL ADMIT IM A BACK MASSAGER I WONT GO IN ANY NO TOUCH ZONES UNLESS ASKED BUT IVE HAD MANY PEOPLE ASK ME NOT TO STOP BUT IF I SO MUCH GET A HINT OF NO IM OUTA THERE
ROB

RE: Unsolicited touching...
I just plain wouldn't do something like that. To touch another person without their permission is totally inappropriate and could be considered a form of assault. A person that displays this type of behavior should be thrown out and told never to return. Until you get to know a person, any physical touching is off limits!

RE: Unsolicited touching...
There is exeptions to this, not everyone flirts by talking. Many think it is perfectly fine to do a little touching or massage nothing over the top exspecially in a swinger inviornment. Just because someone touches someone doesnt mean to just throw them out at all. Many people even like the massages I have gotten many and so has amanda. If someone crosses the line with what you may think is over the line then it is up to you to speak out about this. Now if someone was aggressive,pinning someone in the corner or something then yes they will be asked to leave and never return. You cant be shy in the lifestyle we both learned first hand, along time ago you have to speak out when you are uncomfortable.
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
I'm liking you more and more. :tongue:

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Gary, Thanks for the return on my blog. All I'm trying to say is that for me to walk up behind a stranger who I haven't even talked to or made eye contact with and start rubbing their neck or shoulders would be wrong. If a person that I was talking to asked me if I wanted a neck massage, I'd probably let them. I'd speak out if I didn't know them yet and tell them to stop.

RE: Unsolicited touching...
I think to prevent this from happening, it's always best, for us anyway, to know those we party with. In saying that I mean to chat here in the forums or phone or email to learn more about a person before partying in a swinging environment. I am a very touchy person and have walked up behind someone to massage their shoulders or scratch their back and have never met them in person until that moment. Regardless, if it makes someone uncomfortable speak up but for me, it's simply being friendly.

Smooches,
Gin

RE: Unsolicited touching...
The only thing I am trying to get out is a lil massage is harmless. It happens in everyday life even at a normal bar people do it. I am not busting anyones chops here No means No but you have to say NO!!! first thats all. How else is the other person suppose to know it makes you uncomfortable. By the way I am giving everyone permission right now to give me a neck massage guy or girls it doesnt bother me one way or the other lmao Hell who knows it may help my back problems as well lmao lmao :devil:
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Boy, did I ever open a can of worms this morning! Maybe I was a bit too harsh. What I was trying to get across to everybody was for me to do this to another person would be wrong. I would want to talk to that person first. Thats all I'm trying to say.

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Ok I got ya bigman I am talking from experience on this end and for the most part everyone knows everyone that comes to our house anyways. Now a club is a different scene all together. I aint trying to be harsh on you, I dont do alot of touching myself until I know its all good, I just dont see any reason to kick them out for it nothing more. I can give many of reasons to kick someone out for sure by experience
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Okay, Enough of this back rub stuff already! LOL I never knew talking about an unsolicitated back rub could turn into such a pain in the ass for me... LOL. Anybody ever heard of an exagerated startle response? I don't know, I've got a hell of a head cold and between the nyquile and running nose, I ain't thinking to straight. So maybe I best sign off till I feel better.

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Maybe that might be a good thing right now bigman come back and read these later you will see I wasnt trying to get you hostile just making a simple observation lmao lmao lmao
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Sugar, it's all good, grab a kleenex, wipe da snot away and come back here to play wiff us! We are harmless really!! lol

Smooches,
Gin

RE: Unsolicited touching...
On my way wiff da scented oils, cover da :couch: with plastic Sweetie and meet me right there by the old oak tree!!! lmao

kisses
Gin

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Awwww Be Bop da bopp, :bigkiss: Sweetie Pie!!!

kisses
Gin

RE: Unsolicited touching...
In the swinger environment, touching is almost a given. Touching someones hand, as they sit across from you. Touching someones arm as you stand and talk. We all talk with our hands. This is part of the conversation, part of flirting. In the lifestyle, we touch more.
Unsolicited touching, can and should be easy to read. Touching someones hand, they move it. Running your fingers down someones arm, and they shift away. Rubbing someones shoulders, if they shrug away from your hands, you have gone to far or too quickly.
It's the ones that don't understand, No. Sometimes you Need to say it out loud. No means no!

RE: Unsolicited touching...
I am on my way for sure Gin. can we add some velcro so I dont slide off da plastic lmao I sure dont want to hit the ground right now lmao
:heythere: :naughty:
gary xoxo

RE: Unsolicited touching...
I agree Bebopp and that is what I was trying to say as well :biggrin:
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
And what would you do if this was a new person as this guy was?
I think if your in a new place you need to get to know people and not assume its ok to interrupt or inject yourself into a situation.
Guess what I'm trying to say is you need to have manners and be respectful...and he wasn't. If he would have at least introduced himself and asked the story would be so different!

Sharon

RE: Unsolicited touching...
lmao, much velcro Sweetie, we can't have you splattered out on da ground,, that's for sure! Hmmmmm all nakie laying there in da dirt, sweaty and stuff, not a bad visual though!! lmao

Packing da velcro!! lol

kisses
Gin

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Yes him introducing himself would of been a nice thing to do for sure. But some single not all dont know how to really interact at a lifestyle event.That is why we are very selective on the single guys coming to our parties. We have had it where someone tried to move in on me and amanda at someones elses house party. She just looked at him and told him NO! but he went to another couple and they let him join in. We didnt know this guy at all and I dont think the others did either but he still managed to get involved somewhere else. So it all really comes down to they dont know if they dont try and they dont know if we wont speak up and tell them NO!
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
lmao lmao lmao it does sound like OHHHH!!!! so much fun :biggrin: We have a swimming pool here to play in Gin I hear it is very therapeutic :wink: :wink:
gary xoxo

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Sharon, I agree, but sometimes the best of us fuck-up. Was he new to the lifestyle? New to just that party. Just a stranger to you? I'm not condoning what he did. What he did was wrong. Even if he knew every other person there except you, he did wrong.
I think every post here agrees with you.

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Hmmmm Sugar, da swimming pool could be a very good thing! No Ginni protection needed, no velcro needed yep, that is the way to go! Can you breathe through your ears?? lmao

kisses
Gin

RE: Unsolicited touching...
I want to add this to it as well. We will not invite a single guy to any party until we tell them the rules and we are for sure they understand them. No means NO and the women are in charge but it is still respectful to ask the husband or boy friend of her first. Now we dont always have this option to do this exspecially when at someone elses house so we just deal with the situation when it comes up.
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
LOL

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Sorry y'all, I just don't see anything wrong with a neck massage in a swinging environment,I view it as an introduction. Unless of course the guy were to do so including himself in on sex already taking place. Sitting around talking or walking around mingling and meeting others is generic and I view walking up and kissing on the cheek or giving a hug or a neck massage as simply being friendly.

Smooches,
Gin

RE: Unsolicited touching...
I sure can hold my breath for a while cum up for air and go diving again lmao lmao
gary xoxo

RE: Unsolicited touching...
WooHoo that's my Gawwwyyy!! I'm ready for my pool therapy now Dr. Gary!!! Dontcha wanna play Doctor's wiff me!! lmao lmao

kisses
Gin

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Sharon I am pretty sure I know which one you were talking about and after I was asked by our host to go and rescue his wife from basically the same situation. Being a single male myself I often feel like I should sit back and let the lady/couple approach me. Only with those of you that I know very well do I feel comfortable to flirt with.

RE: Unsolicited touching...
I keep saying nothing wrong with a neck massage also. The whole key to this is communication, everyone interacts in different ways and after you go to several house parties you will all see this happens many, many times. Now if he comes up and just grabbs between the legs and some has done then he was out of line for sure or tried to put his well you know some where it didnt belong that is wrong as well. But a back massage is harmless I have had to look over my shoulder a many of times to see who was rubbing my neck, and its wasnt always a girl doing it. Hell I just play along as long as I get the massage I dont care who it is
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Its been a while since I have played DR but I am sure itwill all come back to me pretty quick like lmao lmao :naughty: I am ready to get the stethoscope out and practice thats for sure WOO HOOO!!!!
gary xoxo

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Girls can get away with just about anything. I'm a single male! I belong to a club, as 1 of 5or6 singles males. 1, I can not hunt unicorns! 2, I must deal with the male half of a couple, first. My rules are harsh. Our parties have a workshop before each party for newbes. I have been asked to talk to someone that might be stepping out of line. Call it part of my job.
I very much understand where Sharon is coming from. I can also relate to Gin and Gary.
A bad apple can always show up. Until I hear NO, or STOP. It's live and let live.

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Your last part of the statement I absolutely agree with Bebopp. You said it just right until you hear a NO its all good lol
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Okay,Just got back from the health club. Sat in the sauna and sweated this cold outta me. Feel alot better now. I guess being a newbie to this if I were at a party, I'd probably be doing more talking and watching and getting to know people and joking around. I'd want to be friends first and I do know that no means NO! Thanks for the heads up Gary. For me , when I'm invited into anothers home, I try to conduct myself as a guest and only proceed by invitation only.

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Very good Sweetie! :clapping:

Smooches,
Gin

RE: Unsolicited touching...
sometimes I take myself way to seriously...LOL Thanks for helping me to laugh at myself! Hey Gary when's your next party anyhow? Maybe I can come. Igot gas money now! My ship came in!

RE: Unsolicited touching...
that is a great way to be also and also a good way to be invited back to more parties :biggrin:
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
I dont know when thenext party is yet but I think one is in the middle of april just not sure what day. Hey if ya cant laugh at your self then how do expect to make others laugh. Shit I crack myself up all the time and can barely hit enter on da post lmao lmao
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Gawwwyyyy honey, you crack me up too :donald: Yo bigman, be sure to take that ship that came in to Gary's next party but ya gotta leave it cause I'm thinkin, it could be loade of fun in da pool!!! lmao lmao

kisses
Gin

RE: Unsolicited touching...
lmao Can you send the boat my way? But you will need to hire a crop duster to find me here in the boonies!

Sharon

RE: Unsolicited touching...
We have been working on getting the pool ready the last 2 days now but I aint jumping in it right now to darn cold still. I want to be able to see my nuts not have them jump up inside trying to hide lmao been there dun that not so much fun lol lol :biggrin: I jumped back out and told the ladies when you are ready I will be in the hot shower lmao
gary xoxo

RE: Unsolicited touching...
I reallly can't understand WHY is seems some think it is OK for someone to touch you without at least asking or introducing yourself first. Just because we share a common interest in swinging it does not make it ok. I am by far a prude, and myself love touching and that.... but I have allergies and sometimes if the wrong type of lotions come into contact with my skin I break out. So should I put a warning label on just in case someone wants to touch me? I should not HAVE to say don't touch me I'm not comfortable... as this person has no business touching me to begin with, right?

I dunno, guess this is one topic that has no easy answer... we all have different ideas and thoughts!

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Geeezzzz Louise, why ya wanna do that to yer nuts? Bless their lil ole hearts... cruel, just cruel I tell ya!!! Cmere, let me blow on em to warm em up!! :donald: lmao

kisses
Gin

RE: Unsolicited touching...
God gave you two ears and one mouth. That should be a clue. Touching is very much like conversation. There are varying levels of intensity and you have to LISTEN. You wouldn't walk up to someone you never met and say "hey I'd sure like to pound your pussy". Well, you might, but it's likely not going to end well. You start off with hellos and go from there. Many people have a hard time starting a conversation with someone new. So they may well offer a light touch. Someone else, I forget who, posted that if you touch someone's hand and they pull away, take a hint. Same goes for the neck thing. A light tentative touch which says "is this ok?" can be politely answered either way. Vice gripping someone's shoulders demands (and usually gets) a harsher response. It's all about being aware.

RE: Unsolicited touching...
I dont know how to say this with out looking like an ass but here it goes. There will always be some touching even if its by accident. If you are that allergic or afraid of someone touching you as a simple how do you do basically then to me you shouldnt even go to walmart because you get touched there all the time. Now this aint the same thing as not wanting someone to touch you allegies is completely different. I guess you could be the bubble boy I dont know. To clarify I am not trying to be an ass at all but touching does and will happen. Maybe we all need an extra set of eyes to make sure we dont get touched in some way. This started with a simple shoulder massage now it is sumpin completely different. I know some guys and women are creapy and you dont want them to touch ya. But this is on me to tell you know or you to tell me know how else are we suppose to know.
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
OK sharon I will get the rubber gloves for sure thanks for the Heads Up lmao lmao See its that easy lmao OMG did I just say that lmao lmao
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Oh boy do I have allergies and every single party I attend, well hell just leaving my home there is a scent that will find me and irritate me. But I know for sure that perfumes and such at a party are sure to send me coughing and grabbing my inhaler. I feel that there should be absolutely no sexual contact without first knowing all are in agreement. A neck rub is basically harmless unless doing so in a very suggestive manner. I agree that absolutely nobody has a right to put their hands on anyone else without first having the green light but at a swinging party, it happens and will continue to happen unless we speak up. One neck rub may be harmless and the other may be wrong and suggestive, the person may not know they are doing wrong or they may be trying to get some action. It depends on the situation and the people involved. I welcome the touch and will touch unless otherwise told to stop. It has worked for us for 15 years and no drama yet. I have exceptional manners and know party etiquette inside and out.

Sharon honey, I can see that this really bothered you, not sure of the situation but I do know that you are a very open and understanding young Lady and I'm sorry this persons actions offended you.

kisses
Gin

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Ya don't look like an ASS Gary... just voicing your opinion (which to me is wrong, lol)

Wal-mart touching is an accidental thing... and happens. Just think, if a person did the neck rub to every women in the room and had a neck fetish and was only there to touch women's necks, wouldn't that be an issue...he'd be deemed a perv and asked to not return, no? The thing is, everytime we touch someone its either accidental or intentional... and if you are intentionally touching someone without expressed interest or permission by them, then you shouldn't be do it; especially to strangers.

RE: Unsolicited touching...
It goes back to the respect thing some people just don't think about that,I know some people think a little differently but I myself is a little bashful so just to start rubbing on someone's neck without prior acknowlement would be kinda rude.That being said I would love to give you a rub down with your permission of course Sharon...SugarBear.

RE: Unsolicited touching...
No Sharon, I don't see a person with a neck rubbing fetish as being an issue unless he is told to stop and ignores the warning. Should he walk through Walmart doing this then yes there would be an issue as this behavior would be totally off the wall and out of the arena, just as asking to see nude pics would be. Swinging doesn't give someone the right to make sexual advances but I don't view a neck rub as a sexual advancement unless it's done in that way.

The first meet n greet that Paulie went to with us a guy made me a leather paddle and during the party a male friend decided to try it out on me. He hit me lightly and of course I asked him if that was all he had. He then proceeded to draw back full force and hit the shit out of my azz, I was still bruised 2 weeks later. My point in sharing this is that Paulie not understanding the flow of things jumped up from the table and went after this guy full force. I was between the 2 of them trying to break it up. Paulie may have been out of line by jumping to my defense unwaranted but he didn't realize the full situation and to this day he feels he did the right thing.

Things happen and we all at some point must agree to disagree and place ourselves in the shoes of others before we judge too harshly.

kisses
Gin

RE: Unsolicited touching...
What about a hand shake? It's intentional, I prefer hugging instead, is that wrong? How will I know that you don't like it if you don't tell me? Could the difference in opinion be cultural. We are all touchy people here in the south, for the most part anyway. I know that the Italians are cheek kissers, you are introduced and the males will kiss both cheeks of the ladies, no sexual undertones at all.

My brain hurts! lol

Smooches,
Gin

RE: Unsolicited touching...
We've attended a few house parties,and the host gave us cpls and single females a passcode if there was any inappropriate touching or abuse from the single males attending.At the last one there was when a sngl male was letting his hands wander all over a sngl female in the hottub.The hostess was the one that said the passcode,but the female didn't mind all the touching.But if it was Joy,she would of turned around and voiced her opinion to this person.
Andy

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Ok Sharon if I am wrong you are wrong as well lmao and everyone knows that 2 wrongs still dont make a right lmao lmao The whole issue is to just tell them not to do it again or at all. Ifthey proceed then yes they are out of line and should be asked to stop by the host or leave either way is fine with me, I will do either without hesitation. Next time someone does that to you and there will be a next time trust me its in most of us to see nothing wrong with a neck massage just tell him No where others can be aware of the situation. If someone steps out of line here I want to be the first one to know about it not after the party is over and through a email or phone call. Someboby send Sharon sum bubble wrap before the next party PLEASE!!!!!!! lmao lmao lmao I know I am a lil :devil: shoot me :biggrin:
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Hold the hand out is an act that is reciprocated, and a hug is a welcome from the front... the pecks on the check are also an acknowledgment. These types of approaches are totally different than the previous situation mentioned.
A person has the capability to refuse to greet or shake hands. I know a lot of germophobes whom don't shake hands at all just keep their hands in their pockets and nod with an acknowledgment.

I'm still stuck on the thought that if you do not know the person you should not be invading their personal space until you've at least spoken with them or asked. If it was something more severe than a quick neck rub... like a finger up the ass during play would that be ok? I think not :)

Gosh I like these discussions... we should have a swinger questions conference on cam someday.. just hash all this stuff out!!

RE: Unsolicited touching...
You sending me on the trip with bubble wrapping? whooohooo, then I can mark bubble wrap sex of my list of "To Do's"

RE: Unsolicited touching...
well at least I could help you on one thing Sharon lol lol bubble wrap does sound interesting indeed :naughty: sorry couldnt help on the other. but now you are saying you would rather have lips on ya cheeks instead of hands on ya kneck. Now you got me lost am I smoking sumpin or are you lmao I would find a kiss even on the cheek more intrusive by far, Alot more germs as well. WTH did I just end up on punked or the Twilite Zone. OK gary time to shut up, why should you, because you are loosing your ever loving mind, ok I will just hit reply, ok sounds good to me lmao
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
It may be my view but unrequested touching takes on a different meaning if one has no clothes on. Its one thing if I were dressed and someone walked up and put their hand on my neck/shoulders but if I happen to be naked at the moment and didn't know you I may react a bit differently. Just my .02 cents. Wow that inflation is really hurting the price of opinions...lol

RE: Unsolicited touching...
ok let me get this straight it went from a massage on the neck to allergic to lotions, to a kiss on the cheek is ok to now everyone was naked REALLY??????? Ok back up start over someone tell us the story that wasnt drinking that nite lmao sumpin is terribly wrong wiff da story now. Gary are you drinking, hell no not a drop, well i think you better start, why is that, well if you were drunk you might make more sense out of this, you think so, well it cant get more confusing,you got that right at least, ok Jack and coke it is,by the way who taught you to talk to your self, I learned from the best, well who is it then, DUHHHHHH dumb ass its Tator, oh ok I see that now, It took ya long enough, ok shut up now before you confuse yourself even worse then you were an hour ago, ok Im done, you sure, hell no but I think, ok cipher that one now get back to us when you figure all of this out lmao lmao lmao
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Good night Clark! Sweet dreams

RE: Unsolicited touching...
good nite bebopp lmao lmao

both of us lol

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Night Gary lmao

RE: Unsolicited touching...
If in a position where a nexk rub would be most likely appreciated, one would think being nude would be the best scenario. If open minded enough to be nude in a group of people, who would think receiving a neck rub would be more intrusived than a kiss on the cheek? I'm with you Gary, someone is drinking and it sure isn't me!

Heading off to New Jersey, y'all play nice!

Luv n hugs!!!

kisses
Gin

RE: Unsolicited touching...
I may have had a glass of wine or two that night :angel: and I have no comment on the nude thing *grinz*

RE: Unsolicited touching...
No comment HUHHHHHH!!!!!!! Well I think the nude part was a very important part of the story to be convienently left out of the story lol How can we make an accurate assesment when all the details are failed to be posted. I feel it had nothing to do with a neck massage the whole thing boils down to being interupted in play time. Which I already commented on that one just tell them NO!! I mean really what single man isnt going to see where he can fit into when the heat gets turned up. Yes I know a few may not try, but there are alot more then a few single men out there. With alchohol involved yes they are going to push their limits. I am not agressive at all and with alchohol and adult time going on, I will admit I may try my luck as well, and until I hear NO I will assume all is good. So the kiss on the cheek is Ok. so you can see his lil wanker coming instead of being stuck from behind lmao lmao Just my sumation on the situation lmao :biggrin:
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
LMAO Gary. Does it really matter if I was naked or not? Why would you assume it would be ok to come up behind someone you do not know, interupt a private conversation to try to get a piece? I think the assumption would be that any unwanted touches should not be solicited, you should ask first.

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Yes being naked does make a big difference on this. Single guys get bad reps because of this exact situation. If you had a normal party and decided to go skinny dipping this may not come up at all. Now at a lifestyle party where single guys are allowed to attend they see an opportunity and go for it, I cant blame them. Out of all the house parties we have had and been too I have not seen a couple tell a single guy to just come on in. They make their rounds try to flirt to see where they will be excepted. Again that falls on all of us to tell them no! There is no reason to get mad at a guy for trying, he wasnt aggressive in my opinion all he tried was a neck massage according to you, maybe there is more of the story we are not told, not sure?? I told about the single guy that tried to move in on us. Well I had amanda at the biggining of an orgasm and he came up and tried to put his junk in her mouth. She locked her teeth down and you could hear her teeth clank. She shook her head no to him and he turned and looked at me with his eyes and mouth wide open, and I told him I wouldnt if I was you you may come back wiff a knub. So he got up went 5 feet and joined another couple without saying a word and was excepted right in. We didnt know him at all didnt get mad but he managed to get his that nite anyways. Not everyone ask first in a lifestyle party and couples are the same way they wont always ask either. If you want a single guy or couple to ask first then tell them before they show up that you better ask first. Everyone dont play by the same rules. After 6 years of being with other couples some of their rules still amaze me. Most single men wont admit that they would just try their luck on occasion but they do and always will. I know you thinking about house parties, all I can say is have a workshop with everyone on the rules before a party like bebopp suggested, make sure you know everyone you invite in the begginning and dont be shocked when a rule gets broken because it will. It depends on how severe they break it to determine being banned. We have ran across a few single men and men from couples that dont understand the word NO!! at all but you have to give them a chance and at least tell them NO!! Holy cow I done wrote a book lmao lmao
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
I wanted to add one thing here dont exclude women from this situation either. Some of the most aggressive people we have had to deal with that thinks it is totally fine to just step in is women. I am talking from experience and observations first hand that we have encountered.
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Well, this guy was a married guy and I had all the action he needed in other areas. Instead he decided to sneak in behind someone who was in a deep conversation and not at all playing I think is just out of line. This is not a "rule" breaking type of issue, it is just a common sense thing... if your not invited or don't know someone you don't invade their personal space whether in a lifestyle situation or at the grocery store.
Get ready Gary for round what, 5? Dang, I lost track!

Sharon

RE: Unsolicited touching...
To me, someone coming up behind me and massaging my neck whether i am clothed or not, when we are in a party environment, is not unacceptable touching. We are at a party where people mingle. I may not know the person, but we are friends of friends. If i do not like it, it is my place to tell that person to stop. But it isn't likely that i would.....lol. And being naked in a group of people..... hummm... isn't it better that he try to woo you with a shoulder massage than to grab a private area? I don't know.......i think the dude was fine with his action until he is told NO.

Jules

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Wow a lot of opinions in this thread. I didn't say that Sharon was naked. I stated that it is different if I was naked and someone I didn't know came up to me and touched ME. I am very flirty, verbally and if I know someone I may touch the hand, arm or knee while talking, but personally I don't touch anywhere else without either having a verbal or physical signal that it is ok. That is just polite and in my opinion the proper thing to do. That is why a lot of single guys get so much crap in lifestyle situations. Especially if everyone is naked. We are all adults and not kids running around a candy store. Well some behave like that and that is why a lot of places ban single men, because they have no manners. Of course there are some married men who behave the same way and they get banned as well. As a matte of fact before things got underway at that party we were talking with our host couple and they were telling us of several (both single/married) that have been banned from the guest list for rude behavior and not understanding the word NO.

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Thats ok Badcop I already got out of her she was nakie you dont have to hide that one no more. lol Your last statement (telling us of several (both single/married) that have been banned from the guest list for rude behavior and not understanding the word NO) Thats the whole point he was not told no and doesnt know not to until he heard it. I am pretty good at reading peoples actions for sure but I aint a mind reader. This guy never had a chance and was never told no from anyone from yalls statements here. I understand that asking might be the polite thing to do but in that inviornment most cant communicate in words and giving a massage on the neck is not classified to me and many more as an aggresion or out of line act. He could as Julie said and I have said tried grabbing much worse things then a neck for a massage. I mean really come on how many people died from a simple neck massage or caught something Ajax wont wash off. I have never heard of it on the top of any news list myself. If you cant just brush something like this off like we both have many times then my questions to you is "should you even go to a party? is this the right thing for you" I remember as a kid picking on my lil brother and he would always yell DAD hes touching me. Is this where we just resorted back to. People are going to be touched in one way or another by accident or not, it aint the last time for this to happen. I aint innocent by no means but if I am with a group of people at a lifestyle party that was all suppose to be friends or friends of friends I would not think twice about giving someone a massage even if they are new to the group. I have done this and no complaints yet all they said is why did you stop. But right there I got my answer it wasnt a NO!! Thats what everyone is missing here I know I have said this many times but for some reason it keeps being over looked" YOU HAVE TO TELL SOMEONE SOMETHING WHETHER IT IS A NO OR A GO!!" There is no disrespect or harm intended for a "NECK MASSAGE" if you dont tell them you are not ok with it. Now if you tell them NO then they do it again, then yes they need to be banned or a stern talking too. This goes for anyone married, single, man, woman, CD and so on.
gary

ok I am awaiting trial come on back wiff it lmao

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Um, actually I think I was nekkid cuz that's one of the only times I went downstairs without clothing lmao

RE: Unsolicited touching...
I think basically this wholeeeee thread comes down to what is acceptable touching by some is not to others. Personally, I think the person who wants to touch needs to ASK first, not wait for a NO. If it was more than a neck massage, like a swat on the ass does that make it more or less acceptable?

I just don't understand why its OK to put your hands on someone you don't know in ANY environment.

Like you said Gary... if you were at a lifestyle that all supposed to be friends or friends of friends you see nothing wrong with it, neither do I in those circumstances. But, as a new person coming into a new environment, wouldn't you be on good *coughs* behavior until your familiar?

Sharon

RE: Unsolicited touching...
I am alaways on Good behavior Sharon lmao I still see nothing wrong with a neck massage on any terms. I see it is Hi How Are You Doing hopefully much better now :biggrin:
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
I forgot you had me laughing to hard Sharon so I wanted to add this. I understand you are new to the party scene and after many parties I believe you will change your mind as well. Just keep in mind the lifestyle is so you can be more open to different situations. It also allows everyone to be free and be them selves and not just what society thinks you should be. You have a long ways to go Sharon lol but I have faith in ya you will get there soon enough no need to rush lmao
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Darlin, I've been to several parties, well over 50 parties, been to a couple hotel parties as well as nightclubs and quite honestly I still cannot see how assuming its ok to touch a stranger in any capacity without an introduction first or at least a "hey, wanna massage" is appropriate(of course accidents do happen).

Maybe its a Texas thing... ya'll just can't get enough manhandling *grinz* All I know is we are at a stalemate(no offense to Amanda or Todd) with the only resolution is we settle this Manno to Womanno. When and where time will tell lmao

Sharon

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Have you ever thought that maybe southerns just aint so uptight about things lmao lmao We dont rush through the small things just to get to the great things lmao Too much nahhh its all good lmao
OK you bring it and we will settle it your way lmao I will have the :popcorn: ready. But since I know that Northerners are more uptight about things I will be sure to ask before giving you a massage on the neck lmao lmao :devil: :nana:
gary xoxo

RE: Unsolicited touching...
That's if you can get to it

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Dayum you use my own words against me lmao That aint right at all lmao ouch my stomach is killing me right now from laughing so much lmao Does anyone know if you can get a hernia from laughing this much lmao lmao lmao
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111lo lol chocking Beer through the nose Where on earth did you find that!!!!! Ohshit hard to see. lmao

RE: Unsolicited touching...
That was not fare. No.No, NO!!! Sharon, I think you need to ask BEFORE you do stuff like this to us!!
Gary, that hurt!

RE: Unsolicited touching...
That wasnt right at all bebopp she done pulled out the atom bomb on us there lmao You should see the email she sent wiff the great debate pic on it lol I fell out of my chair rolling on the floor laughing for real lmao lmao She should of warned me about that before I opened it wiff my back being out of whack right now lmao lmao Hey sharon I tried to copy it but couldnt I am still laughing on that one and so is amanda, OMG I havent laughed that hard in a while lmao lmao
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
I hope I get a copy. This one hurt lmao Sharon?---- Beautiful?---- OUCH!!lmao That was better then TOOO GOOD! Your timing could not have been better.
I feel your pain, Gary Too funny Now Beautiful you need a :spanking: Bubble rap or not! lmao

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Ok. I guess its time to weigh in on this. I did see this going on but it did not send up any red flags so I did not go over. She was having a very good conversation with a local writer and I think this guy just picked the wromg moment to aproach her like that. He was not making friends with the host as he was monopolizing his wife. The host did send someone over there to get him to move on to someone else. There was another time he did try to move in while Sharon and I and another guy where engaged in something and Because I was not aware of anything until after the party I did not know to stop it. The host has stated they will not be back. It is a shame because his wife was very well behaved and very popular at the party.

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Sharon I truly feel for you. From Todds post, this guy just seems to not know HOW to act a this party. He sounds virgin to the Lifestyle or at least parties. This post puts a hole different spin on things. This guy was wrong and repeatedly and was warned. You never ever step in between couples or try to separate them. You never shun the other half of a couple.
I'm sorry, I still don't think a shoulder rub is a bad thing, dressed or undressed.
In this case, Sticking to your guns and stressing THIS guy was wrong and out of line, now sounds right.
I am who I am. B Bopp

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Like I've always said, just one side of the story its hard to make a good judgment on any situation. This thing is with this one, they have had other parties they've gone too. Makes you wonder and amazed how environments can vary from one social standpoint to another.

Todd and Mark seen one way of things, me another. And I hadn't known anything about the other information till after the fact.

Sharon

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Sharon if you had told us what it took Todd to say then I guess we would of missed the GREAT DEBATE lmao We had someone at the last party that was warned many times and by me as well. 2 couples left early because of him but didnt tell me until they decided to leave, thats when I had a talk wiff him. He repeated his aggressiveness wiff amanda and another by pinning them in the hall grabbing on them, they had to hide in the closet. It was a damn good thing when that was brought to my attention he was passed out or he would of been throwed out on his ass, he wont be bach period. As for the guy wiff you if he was warned about not touching others then yes he was wrong for touching you PERIOD. See how easy that is wiff all the details Sharon lmao lmao :devil:
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
95 posts. See Sharon, we do agree with you. :hug: 's
B Bopp

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Its a good thing you didn't find him IN the closet, I can picture it now!

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Sharon that was absofuckinglutely amazing. Don't let Jenny see that she LOVES bubble wrap/ She would be like a kid at Christmas!

RE: Unsolicited touching...
I can too me and 5 other guys throwing him out on his ass for reals lmao He wasnt an ST member either but a single female brought him here it was kinda her boyfriend or some kind of arrangement (MASTER) lmao They aint together anymore either so all is good :biggrin:
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Well you know, my first swing experience was with an ST couple, and man the stories I could tell.... lets just say I learned just WHAT questions to ask before meeting someone real time!

Sharon

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Thats a big no no to my honey, its about respect and she deserves it,its her choice :), she is pretty funny and straightforward when it comes to unsolicited kissing or touching if we are at a gathering :)

RE: Unsolicited touching...
i would have to say ,........nooooooooooooo ,i gotta know them first, this shit , my shit just ant for everyone like a damn buffet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :kissmyass: lol lol lol lol

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Well said!

RE: Unsolicited touching...
thank ya!! i think so too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Im no piece of meat either lol :)

RE: Unsolicited touching...
lol i dont think anyone should be a piece of meat, thats just , just ,just dang i dont know its jus not right man!!!!!!!!!!!! lol :kinky:

RE: Unsolicited touching...
damn my emotion didnt show , it was supposed to be a carebear lol lol lol lol nothing working right on comp today, huh, maybe its to early!!!!!!!!! lol lmao

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Not the great Debate again lol There was some important details left out of the main topic that I finally dragged out of Sharon lmao And NO I am not starting this again lmao
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
well that just got me curious as hell but oky doky!!!!!!!!!!! lol lmao

RE: Unsolicited touching...
lmao You are trying to get me going again HUH?? not going to do it lmao
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
oh please gawy come on???????? for me??????? hahahaha im just playing darlin, i am curious but dont talk about anything you dont want to ,jus let it go kk lol lol lol lovs keri

RE: Unsolicited touching...
lol Its not that I dont want to talk about it, the last time I did it went on for days lmao Go back to the first page :biggrin: but for the record You can rub my shoulders any time you want Keri :wink: :naughty: lmao I am still waiting for Sharon to chime in here lmao
gary

RE: Unsolicited touching...
its ok darlin, dont worry, i not big on dragging things back out ,jus let them go and move on , i say, lol but yall are so sweet its not funny, some things yall do or say jus make my day and mostly crack me up, lol lmao lov u guys, lol gawy have a great day sweety, and maybe later on da shoulder rub kk :sexywink:

RE: Unsolicited touching...
ok i went back ,nevermind oh nooooooo, yeh that wasnt fun huh, oh but how people can talk , lol lol lol im sooooo sorry gawy, that one doesnot need to come back , they should delete it and lets it gooooooooo, ,,,,, I have a bad bad habbit of ,if the forum is really long, i jus skip thru and put my opinion, i didnt mean to drag it back out, noooooooo , i deffently know how that is, oh so hows the weather guys lol lol lol lmao

RE: Unsolicited touching...
Its not a big deal Keri, in the end me and Sharon was laughing about it, She even gave me an award for the best debate lmao When I opened the award up in my email box I about fell out of my chair laughing so hard. I was just going to stay out of the topic this time and by the way the weather is very nice here its sunny and 77 degrees :biggrin: How about the weather where you are :wink: lmao
gary xoxo

RE: Unsolicited touching...
ok no prob at all, the weather here in louisiana is kindof pretty today like yall, it was col cold the other night , it keeps going back and forth, so everybody got a touch of a cold or sinus trouble, but were used to it , its just usually colder now being have way thru november, but i dont know, its crazy louisiana ya know, lol lol lol lol i just got over the eye pains and headaches from the sinus crap, getting ready to schedule my surgery , i go to the surgeon tuesday, and by the way , I HAVE THE CUTEST SURGEON lol lol like i wanna jump his bones on the damn table!!!!!!!!! i told charlie,lol he shook his head, lol lmao hes actually comeing with me tuesday to meet him and we are scheduleing, so i might be down for thanksgiving, or early december, but i dont care i just want this shit fixed, huh i should tell him ,look i gotta get back to fucking ,lets do this!!!!!! lol lol lol lmao lmao , im crazy , i know!!!!!! lol lol lol lol

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