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3somes and married men

Question:

3somes and married men

We like mfm 3somes, but the problem we have is that some "married" men are pretending to be single so that they can go out and "get some" on the side without their partners blessing or knowledge, we believe that this is wrong and is just so very unfair to the women who love them and are sitting at home thinking that their men are just out on a boys night out.
One of the things that in my opinion is sure to doom any marrage is for both parties involved not to share their inner fantasies , fetishes and kinks with the other and just let the chips fall where they may, you never know ... your partner may be just as kinky as you are or on the other hand may find your idea of fun with others not to their liking, these things are best discovered Beforehand !
What say you?

Answers:

RE: 3somes and married men
I know this,if you wish to play with us...don't be a cheater,cuz as I've said before,I WILL ANNOUNCE YOUR NAME HERE IN THE FORUMS WHEN I FIND OUT so nobody else has to go through that.If you're married and you say your partner doesn't mind,let your partner tell us that face to face,or no play.This is a swingers site,not a cheaters site.
If you know someone is cheating and you say nothing,you're as bad as them for allowing them to continue their BS games,and as far as I'm concerned,you'll get no play here(with us)either.
My question is,why would you bring unwanted,unnecessary drama into the lifestyle anyway?Thats not adult or mature.

Have a nice day and an even better evening,
Russ

RE: 3somes and married men
I have tried to be very cautious and try to get to know a person before meeting them. If they are married and I've talked with the spouse then thats fine... but to purposefully hide that you are married and getting some on the side, I will toss ya to the curb.
I understand that there are circumstances, that a married person does play on their own, but be upfront about it. Don't be a chickenshit ;)

Sharon

RE: 3somes and married men
I agree , honesty is ALLWAYS the best policy, this could be turned around as well if the wife is doing some playing while hubby is out of town and knows nothing about what is going on, it all boils down to honesty...you married that person for better or for worse and worse usually happens when couples are not being truthfull to each other.

RE: 3somes and married men
We struggle with the same thing.. Our rules are NO MARRIED MEN in our MFM play. It just opens up too many problems and issues and is just wrong. We are not into this for drama and messing around with a married man could bring plenty of drama if the wife ever found out.

RE: 3somes and married men
What makes me chuckle are men who state in their profiles that they are married and Not getting what they need at home, then post a picture of themselves for all to see !!

RE: 3somes and married men
I totally agree with your last statement..it sure would be nice to know if they are married or not and without their spouse to enjoy the fun times..NOT ...lol

RE: 3somes and married men
We do everything as a couple and if my girl isn't feeling well or for any other reason doesn't want to play then we don't play !
There have been times that this has upset me but I love her and respect her judgement because at the end of the day she is my partner and playmate and it would be no fun at all without her !!

RE: 3somes and married men
Married men /women should be honest about it and if a confirmation from the spouse is recieved /required it,s ok. Cheating is wrong, Swinging couples should be in harmony whether together or seperate when play is involved.

RE: 3somes and married men
I am a married man, I don't hide it or pretend that I'm single. My wife DOES know AND approve of my playing with other safe, sane people as long as it doesn't interfere with family time. I hate to use the words "open marriage" but for lack of a better term that's what we have. We have been married for over 20 years and I have been playing on my own for the last 10. She plays on her own on occasion with a very close mutual friend but has no interest in MFM.

She and I love and respect one another tremendously and have been through so much together but she simply does not share in my desires and enjoyment of MFM, Groups or GB's. She does however understand and totally support my playing, she even knows one of my lady-friends who I used to play with and that we are both friends and lovers. I don't "sneak around" or "cheat" on her as there is no need to. She and I agreed that I could go out one night a week as our schedules allow. We have young children at home so we are extremely protective of them and discreet about our "arrangement".

Do I wish my wife would join me or explore MFM? Of course I do and have suggested it many times. But I also know that trying to push her into something she's not interested in will just breed animosity. She's perfectly fine the way things are. I understand that there are a lot of guys, married and single, who are jerks, but there are also couples and women out there who are not too nice either. I have been fortunate to have met several couples and women outside of this site who have become good friends simply because they took a chance and contacted me so we could get to know each other better. I have met one such fantastic, down-to-earth couple on this site recently and they are such a pleasure to be with, sexually and socially.

I guess what I'm trying to say is not ALL married guys are low-life, cheating horndogs. Some of us are just regular guys who really enjoy pleasing a lady without hassles or drama. I also respect those couples and women who choose not to be with a married man. All I ask is just don't paint us all with the same brush.

RE: 3somes and married men
Sounds like you and your wife have it worked out for what suits both your needs. My question is... if you do find a couple to play with and they want to verify that they have your wifes "blessing" can they talk to her and make sure your just not a wolf in disguise?

Sharon

RE: 3somes and married men
I am appalled at all the judgemental people here! These are definately couples I would NOT like to meet! If you don't want to play with Me or guys like me fine, but you haven't walked in our shoes and don't know our circumstances.

RE: 3somes and married men
Yes, although she prefers not to get involved or engage in lengthy discussion, she will confirm that I have her permission to play on my own.

RE: 3somes and married men
Sounds like you two have a great thing going !!!
When my girl & I started swinging, she was ok with mmf 3somes and I completly trust her but she wasn't too sure about having a ffm 3some because she was unsure that I would like the other woman better but we have this problem solved and she is now very comfortable with this ...much to both of our enjoyment !!!

RE: 3somes and married men
Swinging should never be an excuse or a way of "getting some" outside of the relationship and honesty is allways the best policy.
Mabe if Tiger Woods would have suggested a 3some involving his wife then things might have been different and the outcome might have been better.

RE: 3somes and married men
when we play we dont mind cheating men. we kind of prefer married men whether there wives know is not our business.

RE: 3somes and married men
Firstly to each their own. If a couple's limits are no married men, it should be respected.

However, there is a splitting of hairs here. Couples may not be "cheating" in the relationship, but if you are married and said the typical vows before your friends and family to "forsake all others" than you are not living up to those vows.

Human sexuality is complex. Ultimately we dont believe that monogamy works - or this site wouldnt exist - most of us start off in a conventional relationship and if you are lucky, both will be open to this lifestyle. But for some its simply not an option and they are left feeling the same sexual desires all the rest of us feel, but are fortunate to have a partner willing to explore.

Thats where we see married men. We no more have a value judgement against them than we do those that are into lifestyles we are not.

What we do like about married men is the fact that they go home. We dont get hounded, bothered and they dont out wear their welcome.

A last point: would the same couples who wont play with married men, play with a married woman?

RE: 3somes and married men
You make a good point and my response is that married couples on our opinion should not play without their signifigant other, it breeds mistrust and distance.
Now I agree that it is splitting hairs as far as a common agreement between husband and wife as far as what is acceptable and what is not as far as swinging is concerned and it is an each their own situation which I guess none can properly judge or condemn.

RE: 3somes and married men
That is why I started my group. I feel ther needs to be less time spent on wording about things and more time having fun. I we have fun you will foget about what people thimk. I am in it to enjoy life and just fuck.love Dick

RE: 3somes and married men
Of course there is a huge difference between swinger sex with others and making love with your mate, they are both fun and erotic and being open about kinks and fantasies just makes the sex more enjoyable when either making love with ones signifigant other or with a group or another couple.

RE: 3somes and married men
good reason to start your group and I agree with you as well.

RE: 3somes and married men
Thank you. Let's meet and have fun fucking each other

RE: 3somes and married men
I've been to a woman for 10 years when I found out my wife
Was sleeping around. And then she moved out and left me with
Are 2 kids to be with this other man. She lived with him for 3
Weeks til he kick her out and she had noware else to go
So she then came back to me and the kids! I told her for the kids she
Could stay but we would not be the same! Its hard to trust
Some one after that. If she would have talk to me about it
It would have been cool because swing dos sound fun now that I have
I've have had a lot of fun! Now me and my wife have played with other
Before. But now she move to texas to finish school to become a teacher
And will be back for the summer! Then wiLl be playing together!

RE: 3somes and married men
hmmmmm...judging the judged....

RE: 3somes and married men
I so much agree with all of you. We have had lots of guy's say my wife doesn't mind. The best one is I have a higher sex drive then my wife and she doesn't want anything to do with the lifestyle. Well crap we don't care, cheeting is cheeting and we don't want to be involved.We don't need the drama or cause of someone's marriage breakdown.

RE: 3somes and married men
I am a married guy and it says so in my profile. I'm also here as a couple. My wife actually was the one that suggested I set up a profile for just me. She only wants to know if I'm going to meet someone and hear the details after. We have met a couple of single guys on here for 3somes as a couple and I'm still looking for a couple to join as a solo man. There can be a lot of drama is one partner is 'getting it on the side', but it doesn't have to be that way. I do understand you need to be careful when selecting a playmate, but don't rule someone out just because they are married and playing alone. I personally wouldn't join someone without getting to know more about them, so if you aren't just going to jump into bed with someone the first time you get a message from them, you should know enough about them to figure out if there is going to be a problem.

RE: 3somes and married men
I'm currently a married man, but recently separated. I have never cheated on my wife but I told her about my sexual desires and fantasies. I told her about a couple I met who are swingers and I told her how much that intrigued me. She seemed disgusted by that idea; she was raised as a Catholic and is devoted to the church.

My wife and I decided we will get a divorce but remain good friends. We even talked about the possibility of staying married but have an open marriage. I don't think that would work in our case however. I think that only works when you have a healthy, loving relationship with someone but simply offer each other the freedom to find sexual pleasure elsewhere without losing the feelings we have for each other.

I'm looking for a new relationship with a straight or bi-sexual woman that enjoys a swing lifestyle.

RE: 3somes and married men
We agree with you about being open with your partner. When I was single I used to see lots of married guys cruising the adult book stores for sex. I always felt bad for their wives. Its not a real relationship if you lie to each other

Also, we agree about being open about your kinks. My wife is sometimes shocked by what a complete pervert I am at times but she knows Im a good person. And to be honest I hink it turns her on. She's become quite turned on reading the kinkier stories at literotica.com. If Ive helped her to be more in touch with her sexuality, so much the better

RE: 3somes and married men
Well this is the right place to find the woman of your dreams for sure, this site is great with lots of fun open minded people who are more than willing to help you on your journey and maybe perhaps you can find your true soulmate here !
GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR SEARCH !!!

RE: 3somes and married men
Lying is bad no matter how you justify it and kinks are a good thing, they can really open up a relationship and make it very special...if you are willing to share your deepest secret fetishes with your partner than your relationship can only grow stronger !!!

RE: 3somes and married men
Well our 2 cents worht is we play with married men. The truth is i perfer married men. We meet for sex not looking to hang out.Hell i been with marrried men that say there wives havent sucked them for years.

RE: 3somes and married men
I see your point with married men not hanging around after sex, getting head is something of a treat and we have a woman friend who really enjoy doing this for me as my girl dislikes the taste of cum but has no problem with getting one hard before intercourse.

RE: 3somes and married men
This is an interesting thread. Lots of diss and judgment here, but also some thoughtful contributions. Even the quick judgments are based on good principles.

I have been married to the same woman for nearly 30 years and have never - that means never - fooled around on her. Why am I here? Not really sure. But I have lived the life of a celibate for over half of our marriage and at my age I came to a point of "enough is enough."

So what to do? "Divorce her" will come the cry of the chorus and once upon a time I might have said the same thing. But I won't be divorcing her because I love her too much to do that. Worse yet, I know that she loves me. At some levels we are one person. But she has an aversion to touch and cannot, or will not, return to a physical relationship. I cannot continue to live in a world without touch or physical connection. I don't really want to meet someone else - I what HER. Just not going to happen.

So my choice is pretty stark at the moment. I'm here to learn, to correspond with people who are interested in each other's sexual and sensual identities, to meet people and explore all the possibilities - I've thrown away a lifetime of anxiety about sexual preferences at this point - and maybe to take the next step.

I don't believe I'm likely to take that step. But I'll never know if I don't reach out, so I am doing that and I will do it without apology. Have I told my wife that I spend time here? No. Will I tell her? Perhaps, but at this point it is no longer any of her business. She left me in her heart years ago and I did not. Will I tell her if I eventually do connect with someone? At that point, absolutely yes. But until or unless I take that step, my thoughts are my own. I have been alone most of the years we have been married. The bed we sleep in together is the loneliest place I have ever encountered. I have earned the right to keep my own counsel when I'm exploring avenues for my emotional survival. Those of you who are quick to condemn all men who come here wearing a wedding ring might consider that some of us are struggling with with the best of bad alternatives that we did not create. All I ask is that you speak of what you understand, and consider respecting what you do not.

RE: 3somes and married men
Not sure how this one fits in with this subject.

RE: 3somes and married men
Well, it's pretty much dead on point. He's telling those who are giving kneejerk judgments that they might benefit from a bit more thought before speaking in language of condemnation. I agree with him as far as that goes - and I also agree that merely using this site as a way to sneak around behind one's spouse's back is reprehensible. But there are a lot of men in great pain and in my experience many women fail even to consider the possibility - in fact, bristle when we reprimand them, almost as if they had a basis to be offended. Life is complex and love can be more so.

RE: 3somes and married men
We know people who say no to married men or women and understand their reasons, for us we actually chose a married man for our 3 sum. We had both been in long term unhappy marriages and stayed for the kids. I (Mrs) had not had sex in over 10 years. We knew how empty a marriage could feel and the reasons for staying. We also felt it would have less drama than a single guy, no staying around, just about sex with nothing more, we thought the man would not try to see me alone. This was incorrect as he did try to convince me to also see him alone and continue to meet with us as a couple. It doesn't change our choice. We want honesty but are not concerned with marital status.

RE: 3somes and married men
Well, first of all, this is directed at males, which is wrong, there are a lot of cheating women out there too. Coming from a single male, never married, I think that is a moral choice of each individual, if he/she wants to cheat thats there choice as long as they dont bring the drama with them to the party. I have been the "other man" for cheating women. Some I became friends with some were just play time, some i knew in groups.It is also the choice of the other person to decide whether they want to play with that other perons and they have there own reasons....

RE: 3somes and married men
Just remember, we as a lifesytle group of consenting adults are judged for our "lack of morals" by the majority of society we dont need to be judgeing each other... I am sure there are more "cheaters" in the other sectors of society than there are in ours....

RE: 3somes and married men
WELL LET ME FILL IN SOME 31 YEARS OF SWINGING EXPERIENCE FROM ONE WHO HAS BEEN THERE. MY WIFE AND I WERE ACTIVE SWINGERS STARTING IN EARLY 1978 (SHE FINALLY AGREED) AND FOUND SHE LOVED THE SWINGING LIFESTLE. WE SWUNG WITH COUPLES, FMF, SINGLE MFM AND ALMOST COST ME MY GOVERNMENT JOB AS THE SINGLE MALE HAD A BIG MOUTH, WE STARTED SWINGING WITH MARRIED MFM THE LAST 6 PLUS YEARS AND HAD GREAT SEX AND NEVER CARED WHETHER THE WIFE KNEW OR NOT AS THE HUSBAND WAS DISCRETE. MY WIFE HAD MY PERMISSION TO MEET GUYS WHILE I WAS AT WORK, SHE WOULD CALL ME WHEN SHE WAS LEAVING TO MEET THEM AND WHERE THEN WE WOULD RE-LIVE HER FUN AT NIGHT WHEN I GOT HOME, IF SHE DID NOT DISCRETELY BRING SOMEONE HOME, IF WE KNEW WELL ENOUGH. ONE DAY SHE DID THIS AND LEFT THE DOWNSTAIRS DOOR OPEN AND OUR STRAIGHT NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR'S WIFE, CATHY, WALKED INTO THE BEDROOM WHILE SHE WAS FUCKING A FRIEND. CATHY WAITED UNTIL PAT WAS THRU AND THEY WALKED OUT WITHOUT KNOWING CATHY WAS THERE SO SOME EXPLAINING HAD TO BE DONE. A FEW WEEKS LATER CATHY INFORMED PAT SHE WANTED TO TRY THE SWINGING LIFESTYLE WITHOUT TELLING HER HUSBAND WITH ONE OF OUR FRIENDS PAT HAD TOLD HER ABOUT THAT WAS A VERY HANDSOME GENTLEMAN. CATHY BECAME A SWINGER FOR THREE YEARS WITHOUT HER HUSBANDS KNOWLEDGE BEFORE THEY MOVED AWAY. NO ONE WAS EVER HURT WHEN THE MARRIED HUSBANDS OR MARRIED LADIES WE WERE ASSOCIATED WITH FOR THE 6 YEARS BUT WE CAN NAME SEVERAL TIMES SINGLE INDIVIDUALS CAUSED PROBLEMS WITH LOOSE TONGUES AS THEY FOR SOME REASON LIKED TO BRAG ABOUT THEIR EXPLOITS OF FUCKING A GROUP OF MARRIED WOMEN BEFORE WE ALL GOT THEM "BLACKLISTED". SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT MARRIED WOMEN SNEAKING OUT ON THEIR HUSBAND WITHOUT PERMISSION OR MARRIED MEN SNEAKING OUT ON THE WIFE WITHOUT PERMISSION JUST ENJOY OUR GREAT LIFESTYLE WITHOUT CAUSING PROBLEMS THAT DON'T EXIST AS I CAN SPEAK FROM EXPERIENCE. I WISH MY WIFE WAS STILL ALIVE TO ECHO THE SAME SENTIMENTS AS I HAVE STATED AND WE HAD 41 YEARS TOGETHER, WE JUST SHOULDN'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF.

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